Tuesday has developed an unhealthy fascination

I've been thinking about the Bartender a lot lately. Well, rather, I've been having vivid flashbacks involving myself and the Bartender naked. It’s nothing too serious or anything just mostly positions and conversations.

I don't remember too many of the specifics (which makes it all the better)—just the feelings that they invoked. It's not overwhelming; and it's most certainly a reaction to the inexplicable lack of sex I've been having. Or rather, the lack of sex is fueling the fire.

I'm a little uncertain of what to do. Ever since CB2 told me that she and Ambie had an actual conversation with the Bartender where he waxed nostalgic (he said I was cool to hang out with, but that the calling incident put him off) over our time together that left CB2 with the impression that I might have a shot at a replay...well, needless to say, it's not helping matters.

I’ve been coming up with “reunion” scenarios…(yes, oddly enough they almost all include scenes where his “husband” wakes us up the next morning…in a huff). I need to go to that bar on a night where I know he’s working…and I know it’ll be slow (and we’ll have “time” to reconnect).

Mr. Make Out almost refuses to talk about having sex (or give me even a hint at when we’re going to have it—“I like you,” he says…”So that’s why you’re not having sex with me?”) At this point, I'm a little afraid to bring it up anymore... I know I'm not wrong here, but I refuse to guilt my boyfriend into having sex with me (I'm not a woman...and I shouldn't have to). Damn it! He should want to. He should beg me for it.

Part of me thinks it's all a test. He's not having sex with me to see how long I'll take it (what is it? Like 3 months now... I totally understand why his exs cheated on him). I can take an alcoholic; however, I can't take a prude.

And that doesn't make me a whore (but wanting the Bartender to defile me may).


Sent via BlackBerry (edited after the fact)