I doubt it’s an effective means of creating interest; however, it’s a process more than a means. But no matter, I’ll get back on track in a few sentences (this is not it). In between posting my “teaser” yesterday and starting a whole new post today (it was all in the present tense; and now, it’s all past tense—so I had to scrap it all), I got sidetracked by some bad cologne.
Well, I got covered with the stench of bad cologne while searching for a replacement for 8in of fun. See, not all of my tangents go that far off track. But now, you’re wondering why I needed a replacement for 8in of fun—which is the point of this post; well, the general point anyway.
Anyway.
Yesterday, at 8:39 AM (by the text’s time stamp), I got a text message from 8in of fun. I’ll save the buildup and just tell you it wasn’t the text I was expecting.
“Hi, how [are] [you]? Me, not so good. [I] lost my job, and [my] wife kicked me out.”
It’s a thing I have correcting text shorthand; however, that was the message I got. Obviously, I was expecting something along the lines of “house is free at []. I want to [] you”. He had texted me last Friday (in the afternoon, after our usual dalliance); and told me his wife was expected to be out on Thursday and Friday (I inferred that she was going out of town).
On Tuesday, I saw an interesting Craigslist posting (I think it’s safe to say that you all know I check those out regularly—if only for entertainment value). A 40-year old Bolivar man had posted about his wife being out of town for the weekend, and he was looking for some fun. Now, despite the poster describing his member as “8in of total fun” in the ad, this had him written all over it (I didn’t come up with his nickname on my own, you know).
And I’m not going to pretend like I didn’t respond to it. And I’m not going to pretend that I just responded to it to make sure it was him—I knew it was him. What I wanted to know is if his other arrangements would/could affect his plans with me. My findings in that area were too obscure to be totally certain (I think he was trying to work around me; however, to be totally honest, I think if my fake offer was presented in such a way—my real offer would have been deferred). But within two emails, I did have his number—the same number I have for him in my phone (I told him I couldn’t give out my phone number due to my being married and the need for discretion).
His text on Thursday confirmed a suspension I had about his posting on Craigslist not centered around petty jealously—it could get him caught. I didn’t just stop the conversation with him telling me that he’d been caught and expelled by his wife. I tried to extrapolate as much information about the event as possible—as much for my own fascination as for entertainment value. Wow, that sounds kinda cold. But I’m not going to delete it.
His account of how his wife was informed wasn’t exactly without holes—part of it didn’t make sense to me, but maybe we’ll examine that here in a few seconds. He said someone had responded to his ad and then forwarded the emails to his wife. This someone (who is not me—I just felt I needed to say it, incase the entertainment value comment cast this in that sinister light) said that they liked “busting married men”.
What I don’t get is how the internet avenger knew who his wife was. That’s the hole I could never fill. While 8in of fun isn’t as discreet as I would be, he doesn’t have his name on his email—nor does he offer it readily. I only knew his first name because that other guy told me; I only found his last name from context clues that I found while visiting his house several times over the past few months. I mean his age in the ad wasn’t even correct (he’s still saying he is 40).
He was adamant that he tried to pursue the fellow who was responsible for forwarding the emails to his wife—that she then used to get him fired from his job (he admitted that he worked construction part-time; however, he mostly got paid through doing the books for his church—which as I posted before, he’s an associate pastor). The mystery man never showed for him “to beat his ass” as he texted me (he continued that if he ever finds the man he’s going to “cut his balls off”).
I don’t know what he emailed the internet avenger; but like I said, based on what he emailed me, the only identity vulnerable piece of information I gleaned was his phone number. Unless the avenger knew him from that, I don’t know how you can connect the dots from his emails to his wife. While the thought seemingly never crossed his mind, this had to have been perpetuated by his wife; and from what that guy from up north has told me, isn’t that far off base to think (supposedly, he’s almost been caught before).
Now, I’m not sure if I’m the one who should post this conundrum; however, it’s on my mind, so I’m going to type it. Never in his many texts on this subject did he ever admit to his own culpability in the situation. Never once did he admit that cheating on his wife was the wrong thing to do, and that dishonesty led him to his present situation. I expected the “revelation” to hit him during our text exchange—that this was all his fault. But he continued to blame this nameless internet avenger for “ruining his life”.
Maybe that thought is just on my mind because his getting caught means that we probably won’t have sex again (while he wasn’t clear what he was going to do yesterday, he did suggest that he would go to stay in Oklahoma with some family). And that is something I do blame him for because I’ll probably miss the excitement. To get back on track with this post, when he was texting me about his predicament, he did not suggest that we meet up and hook up one last time (which is one reason—probably the main reason—I kept texting him back). And this leads me to the tale of how I got enveloped with the smell of bad cologne.
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