Sunday just wants to be clear…

I did not make a play for the Bartender (however, I would have went home with him had he asked). Mr. Shot and I went out last night. We went to get a drink at Big Whiskey’s. Yes, it was my idea. Yes, it was driven by the fact that I haven’t gotten laid since I started seeing Mr. Make Out over two months ago. No, I haven’t heard from Mr.MO since I changed my Facebook status (which just serves to solidify the fact that I made the right choice).

I would like to thank Mr. Shot. I know I was kind of getting him out of his in-laws house; however, he prevented me from spending yet another weekend doing nothing as well. I would also like to apologize to Mr. Shot. I don’t think he realized that I would be obsessing about having sex with some bartender when we went out; and he took it well.

So, after two beers, I decided that I could talk to the Bartender. It went ok. He did talk to me; and he remembered things that I’d told him months ago (I don’t really know how). But he did not tell me how much he’d missed my sweet ass and ask me to come home with him just one more time (which is all I’d need or want at this point). But I didn’t run and hide. And I didn’t just sulk in the corner like I normally would have done (it’s like baby steps here).

But alls well that ends well (perhaps I should stop saying that). After Mr. Shot and I parted ways, I decided that any action was better than no action. I made a little stop. There were two men. The first was a bit older; however, he had a good look to him. Nice guy too.

The second was a bit more random. He was obviously “straight” (I don’t think it was his first time, and I don’t think it will be his last). But he was good looking and had a very sizeable member. He kept having to go to the bathroom. I don’t know what that was about; however, he left before I could ask him (or really finish up with him).

And while I haven’t exactly gotten my groove back, I am getting back to my old self.

Friday is single.

I think I should start out with the fact that I don’t hate Mr. Make Out. I didn’t (don’t) feel good about breaking up with him. It started out with such promise, and just went wrong so fast. I wouldn’t mind keeping in touch with him in a friendly manner; however, I just can’t date Mr.MO anymore.

Well, I didn’t hear from Mr.MO. But we’re at the deadline, so I changed my relationship status to single.

It was fairly unceremonious. And I almost hesitated. But it had to be done.

Wednesday has a deadline.

[Chahee Side Note: Ok, I just checked this…someone actually left a constructive comment. I love it. I love it because I had already made this post title before I read this comment.]

Anonymous said...
Dump this guy or post of list of 10 things that you like about Mr. Make Out. And not lame shit like "good smile" or "has a job". Specific stuff. You have 48 hours to decide.

So, I’m starting with 10 things I like about Mr. Make Out (we know how this is going to go).

No offense “Anonymous” (I think we should be friends, btw…find me on Facebook!), but “good smile” would never make my list (it’s ok—his smile that is)…and while he has a “job” it’s not exactly brag worthy (I’m trying to refrain from being too mean—we are still “dating”).

Ok, so 10 things I like about Mr. Make Out:

1. He’s good at making out…(there’s something antiseptic about his breath…it’s the alcohol). I mean I enjoy it (the kissing, not the alcohol or the cheep vodka breath).
2. That time we fooled around, I didn’t have to make any suggestions about how he could do it better (but let’s face it that was only because I was so shocked he was touching my penis).
3. He can get us a discount at one of my favorite bars (not that we can go anymore because he's been court ordered to refrain from going to bars).
4 , 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

Ok, that list didn’t go so well (as predicted)… But I’ve already set a timetable for breaking up with him anyway. If I don’t hear from him by this Friday (that’s 5 days of no contact), it’s over (first weekend as single Chahee). It may sound lame; however, I feel that letting him drift off into the world is better than to post “It’s over dude” on his wall (what? Even I wouldn’t break up with someone via Facebook).

You know, I’m not that broken up about it (probably because I’ve had a while to think about the situation and a lot of evidence to back me up). I’ve decided to write this whole thing off as an experiment. I mean I put up with a lot more than I ever expected, and I hung in there a lot longer than I think I should have. And I don’t think I lead him on.

And if you’re giving me the side eye for letting him drift off instead of confronting him, let’s all remember that the Bartender and I never had the “break up” conversation (I just called him like a psychotic and he decided to leave me be) and we “dated” for like 4 months (oh god)… I never had a conversation with either Cookie or the Whale when we broke up (true, those were imaginary relationships that I had with them in my head), but I knew both of them far longer; and neither party felt it necessary to say… “It’s not you, it’s me.”

It’s only been like 2 ½ months (I had to double check that with my BlackBerry calendar, it feels like an eternity) with Mr. Make Out, so, after 5 days of no contact, I’m officially changing my status to single… Now, having said that, if I should happen to get a message from Mr.MO during that 5 day span (I’m not giving up all hope), I will respectfully request a phone call (so I can break up with him that way—if his phone is working again). Honestly, it’s only been 2 ½ months… We’re not serious; we haven’t even had sex yet. I think a Facebook message is all that necessary at this point; however, I’m wanting phone…

I’m definitely giving it more respect than it deserves (and yes, I know I’m lame; but hey, it’s all I’ve got).

Sunday isn’t sure what’s about to happen

I was chatting with Mr. Make Out…earlier (about 2 minutes ago). I hadn’t heard from him all weekend (except when I messaged him on Saturday and just a minute ago). He doesn’t have a phone right now (it died again). He was just criticizing the fact that I don’t ever ask him to do anything—like he’s making all the effort.

And then he asks me what I want. How the fuck do I know what I want? Well, for starters I want to get laid.

I think he was drunk—he only talks like that when he’s drunk.

What does he expect? And I don’t know. I’m just sexually frustrated. And I’m frustrated that I’m dating a landmine. I’m tired of having this; I’m tired of doing this. This isn’t making me happy… I mostly feel just awkward and upset about the situation.

Why am I still doing this?

Tuesday has developed an unhealthy fascination

I've been thinking about the Bartender a lot lately. Well, rather, I've been having vivid flashbacks involving myself and the Bartender naked. It’s nothing too serious or anything just mostly positions and conversations.

I don't remember too many of the specifics (which makes it all the better)—just the feelings that they invoked. It's not overwhelming; and it's most certainly a reaction to the inexplicable lack of sex I've been having. Or rather, the lack of sex is fueling the fire.

I'm a little uncertain of what to do. Ever since CB2 told me that she and Ambie had an actual conversation with the Bartender where he waxed nostalgic (he said I was cool to hang out with, but that the calling incident put him off) over our time together that left CB2 with the impression that I might have a shot at a replay...well, needless to say, it's not helping matters.

I’ve been coming up with “reunion” scenarios…(yes, oddly enough they almost all include scenes where his “husband” wakes us up the next morning…in a huff). I need to go to that bar on a night where I know he’s working…and I know it’ll be slow (and we’ll have “time” to reconnect).

Mr. Make Out almost refuses to talk about having sex (or give me even a hint at when we’re going to have it—“I like you,” he says…”So that’s why you’re not having sex with me?”) At this point, I'm a little afraid to bring it up anymore... I know I'm not wrong here, but I refuse to guilt my boyfriend into having sex with me (I'm not a woman...and I shouldn't have to). Damn it! He should want to. He should beg me for it.

Part of me thinks it's all a test. He's not having sex with me to see how long I'll take it (what is it? Like 3 months now... I totally understand why his exs cheated on him). I can take an alcoholic; however, I can't take a prude.

And that doesn't make me a whore (but wanting the Bartender to defile me may).


Sent via BlackBerry (edited after the fact)

Monday wanted something fresh

Yes, I’ve made some updates to the appearance of the site. I hope you like it (no really I do). The Logo is on the side (something I’ve been wanting to try for a while), and I updated the background. Ah, and check out the links at the top and bottom.

It’s a little bit cleaner…

Let me know if you like it!

If you’re having troubles reading it on your BlackBerry (I know I’ve got a few reader that do browse on the go)… Just try reloading. It wasn’t loading immediately; and then I just reloaded, and the page loaded just fine!

Chahee (@) thegrandchahee.com

Sunday is calm and serene

Things have been fairly calm lately. Things with Mr. Make Out are ok (as ok as it can be with a man that won’t have sex with me—but claims to like me lots). He hasn’t been drunk and clingy in a while.

I didn’t do much this weekend. If you’ve been keeping up with my Twitter updates (because you should all be following me by now—bottom right of the screen), I shaved Friday night. I shaved my face. My beloved beard was washed down my bathroom sink. I miss it already.

It took me longer than I thought to get used to seeing my face in the mirror. Who knew a beard could be that important? My face gets cold…like I feel the breeze now on my chin. I’m growing it back (as fast as I can). Mr.MO has never seen me with out a beard; part of me is curious to see what he’ll think about it (because he’s kind of growing a beard now)…and part of me wants to avoid seeing him until I’m back to looking like my formal hairy-faced self.

Saturday, I didn’t have any big plans. I was awoken by a 2-year old little girl summoning me to come eat pancakes (I hate breakfast). And even though I only had like 4 hours of sleep, I didn’t even mind (she’s seriously beautiful…with her little dimples).

So after pancakes, I went over to C(B1)C’s house. I picked her up, and we got the oil changed in my truck and then went to lunch. Then she came over to my house to see the girls. My brother and his wife were over by the time we got home, and we all rode 4-wheelers and dirt bikes around the yard. Then C(B1)C and my oldest niece started a Super Mario World tournament.

It was a great laid back day (and the Indian summer weather was a nice touch). After I took C(B1)C home (she just got her name on her license changed), I felt a little tired. I sort of drifted off inadvertently; however, it wasn’t long. And then I made cookies.

Who knew a cup of butter creamed together with ¾ cup of brown and ¾ cup of white sugar; then mixed with 2 eggs, 1 tsp. of vanilla (my secret is an extra teaspoon), and ¼ tsp of salt until combined well; then mixed with 2 ¼ cups of flour, 1 tsp of baking soda, along with 1 bag of good chocolate chips (seriously don’t skimp here…pay the extra 50 cents for Ghirardelli semi-sweet or dark chocolate chips it makes a world of difference); and then spooned onto baking sheets and baked at 375 degrees for 8-10 minutes or golden brown could be so fun and relaxing (it’s so much better than therapy—because afterward you’re left with something delicious and edible instead of a prescription and a feeling of loneliness—no, I’ve never been to therapy).

I perused the internet for a while. Then I called Mr.MO. We talked for a bit. He kinda didn’t sound happy to hear from me (like he had just discovered The Grand Chahee, and was pissed but didn’t want to say anything)…but then he got a little better toward the end.

I don’t necessarily worry that he’ll stumble upon the Chahee; however, I do censor myself when I write just in case someone (that I’m posting about) should stumble upon it…I mean, I try to remain anonymous; but let’s face it, once you read it you know.

There’s a lot I don’t write about because of the people who I know read it. I miss the days when no one read it, it was freeing. C’est la vie.

I haven’t done much of anything today. I’m currently chatting with Mr.MO on Facebook. I wonder how he’d feel if he knew he was mentioned? Eh, oh well, at least today it’s a (somewhat) positive mention.

Sunday…Sunday...Sunday

CB2, I love you. And just wanted you to know, I was thinking about you.

Sunday hasn’t told you a lot…

It’s been a while. I know.

Let’s start with Mr. Make Out.

I finally mentioned something about his drinking. Well, he was drunk when I went over on Thursday; and after he had called me a whore (for wanting to have sex with him) at least twice, I asked him if he was drunk. “No, I’m not drunk.” He says, “I have been completely honest with you tonight.” We’d talked about a couple of different things—sex only being one of them.

He started pouting. I decided to leave after he tried to tell me he hadn’t been drinking again. He tried to stop me (which just convinced me even more that he was drunk). I stopped at my truck and decided to have a cigarette (I’m not one to leave things half finished).

We talked about his alcoholism (yes, I asked him if he’s in AA—he is). We talked about his legal troubles (he doesn’t think he’ll be able to be a teacher after all this). Then we talked about the fact that he continues to get drunk for no reason alone when he’s just sitting at home. I think this is the part that irritates me the most.

Of course I didn’t get any clear answers; however, it made me feel a little better to at least talk about it (instead of it being some sort of elephant in the room).

D(W)F came down this weekend. Yes, she came to visit her husband (and her Mom and me). Mr. Shot got a job here, and they’ve been doing the long-distance newlywed thing practically since they got back from their honeymoon. We had planned on giving out candy on Saturday, and then walking her dogs (in their costumes) around downtown during pub crawl.

I spent the day with them at the MSU homecoming game (they lost). Then we went back to her mom’s house to give out candy. It was really a lot of fun, but after that the dogs were pretty much tired of their costumes (they’re not dress-up dogs). So we axed those plans for something more casual.

I had invited Mr. Make Out to hang out with us (he still thinks D(W)F hates him based on the first time she met him). He had agreed, but I was thinking he’d end up canceling. He didn’t. I picked him up, and we met D(W)F and Mr. Shot at Buffalo Wild Wings. It was a good time. We played trivia.

And I have to give props to D(W)F for trying with Mr. Make Out (I say that like D(W)F isn’t nice and doesn’t like him, she is of course a very nice person and does like him—enough anyway, I mean it’s not like she’s dating him…she’s just not an easy read).

It was a quiet drive back to Mr. Make Out’s house though. He said he was tired, but I secretly think he was just awkward because he knew I told them about our little “conversation”. If he would have asked, I would have told him I didn’t (but we all know I did, and that’s why they didn’t order any drinks). But he said he was just tired. I didn’t accompany him inside. He said he had to get up and go to work early the next morning. I got a half-hearted kiss good night and that was that.

I was a little wiped when I got home (CB2, Ambie, Sully and I were out really late on Friday night, and I didn’t get a lot of sleep myself—Yes, Sully, your hair cut looked good). When I finally got to bed, it was a well deserved sleep.

I think we all know I slept most of the day today. Then we had a little impromptu birthday party for my pseudo-step-nephew (I would explain that, but it’s full of complications). After that I conversed briefly with Mr. Make Out. He didn’t seem to be in a “mood” or act like he was offended or anything. So I think things are ok with him.

I know I said I was going to break up with him (and I probably will). Things aren’t 100%; but now that we’ve gotten some things out in the open, we can start to work on them. I still don’t know when we’re going to have sex…and I don’t think it will be anytime soon.

Thursday was wrong (maybe)

Mr. Make Out was not in jail… I got “in touch” with him after work on Wednesday. He said he was on a trip with his sister. No, he didn’t tell me where he went (it was almost like he made a point not to—rehab?). And no, I did not ask (because I like to make up my own answers to things like that, obviously). And Yes, I am supposed to “hang out—low key” with him on Friday after work (we’re going to watch a movie).

There was no explanation for why he didn’t return my Facebook message.

There was no discernable reason why he didn’t answer his phone those couple of days.

There was no apology for not “keeping in touch”.

And at this point, I don’t really care.

And that just about sums it up.